IMAGINE if you were the only person who spoke English in a room full of French speaking people. How would you feel? How would you connect? Sign language? Hand gestures? It would feel frustrating, wouldn't it? Trying to explain something to someone and all you get is a blank stare.
Relationships can be like that. You enter into a relationship with one language that you know really well, you speak it to your partner, such as: I will say I love you everyday, and it makes sense to you. Then your partner starts listening to you, and it doesn't register. You don't get them because you think you are loving them by saying 'I love you'. You get frustrated, annoyed, and anxious.
We naturally love ourselves first, then think about others. We love to be loved by other people the way WE NEED to be loved. But how do people love us if they don't know our love language? We need to know our love language and our spouses' love language to be able to connect to each other meaningfully.
What I don't understand is that so many couples go through life thinking they are connected with their partners. But in actual fact they're not. They haven't got a clue as to what their partners are needing in terms of love and affection. And they get frustrated and angry.
Do they need the kiss that you’re not giving? A hug that you withhold? Washing dishes? Are they in need of uplifting words such as 'you can do this' phrase in the morning. We need to stop and think. Are we loving each other the right way?
The Five Love Languages book by Gary Chapman has stood out in a few conversations this week on my show. I've had two recent interviews with two couples, one have been married for seven years, and the other 33. They both mentioned the same book.
"I am his biggest cheerleader", Lynn said.
Lynn has been married to her husband Andy for a whopping 33 years, and they still date.
How on earth do they do that? In the interview [video above] Andy and Lynn go deeper into why their relationship has stood the test of time. One thing stood out was that they both are intentional and they want to make things work. They have the will. But there’s more to it. They explain in the interview how they got to that stage, that 33 years on, they are as fresh and vibrant as when they first started dating.
One of the books they read which changed their relationship is no other than The five languages of love book.
There's five love languages: Physical Touch, Quality Time, Acts of Service, Gifts and Words of affirmation.
You could have more than one love language, but you will also have two or three or even all of the five. When you read the book, you will be able to identify your top three. And that’s when you are able to really understand yourself, and your language, and how you need to be loved. When your husband or partner does the same thing, you both begin to understand each other to be able to have a deeper connection and appreciation for one another. You realise that put must put each other first and think about what your partner needs, before meeting yours, and loving them their way, rather than your way.
No doubt this will take your relationship to a whole another level.