• Mina Amso

Catch The New Wave of Dates This Winter With This Book

All young people go through the same thing. They want love and don’t know how to find it.

That’s what International Catholic speaker and author of several books Jason Evert told me this week in our interview. He says there’s confusion between love and lust, and sometimes people struggle with finding love because of lack of role modelling from parents and peers.

Do we need to reclaim a culture of dating? Some people think dating is a problem. The problem is that nobody knows how to date, according to Evert.

He says guys don’t see their parents date because parents have forgotten how to date in the first place.

He wrote a book recently about how to date called: How to Find Your Soul Mate Without Losing Your Soul.

“[Men] don’t have a clue. I mean God bless them but really they have no idea what they’re doing, they want to use apps and swipe themselves in and out of relationships but that’s not what a woman wants.”

A woman wants a guy with ‘intentionality and clarity’ and be asked out face to face.

A woman wants a guy with ‘intentionality and clarity’ and be asked out face to face.

He speaks about his latest book: How to Find Your Soul Mate Without Losing Your Soul.

The women have pre-conceived hopes and expectations of what a guy wouldn’t know, but he says not in a place where they can communicate that to the guys.

Evert went online to100k women who follow him and asked them about how they like to be asked out on a date, how to break up without ghosting, what they like guys to do on a date, where to go etc. Women submitted 30k words of feedback within hours and gave Evert an insight into what they want guys to do before, during and after a date, and how they like to be handled. So Evert put all this in the book.

“Just to give guys the real specifics of courtship, when to date, who to date, why to date, how to date, and helping them discern they’re making the right choice, of the right potential.”

Clueless Guys? The path of least resistance?

No woman wants to date a guy who seem clueless. But the reality is cluelessness around relationships and what guys want is evident. If a guy doesn’t know what he wants, how can he lead a relationship? Evert believes advances in technology has resulted in guys taking the path of least resistance. He remembers guys in high school finding out about dating apps, and being excited about how awesome these dating apps are.

“All you need to do is swipe in and out of things and there’s no risk of rejection but what they are missing out on, as what a woman told me, is that she said ‘the easier is to ask out a lady out the easier for a lady to say no’”. If there is no risk, or skin in the game, there’s no gain.

If there is no risk, or skin in the game, there’s no gain.

To ask a girl in broad daylight shows confidence and interest in her that you are willing to risk rejection. But because technology guys can choose the option least resistance and text or communicate on social media applications.

Another big issue, Evert says is porn. Pornography feminizes men, and that’s a problem. They don’t pursue what’s arduous or difficult, but pleasurable. They are no longer initiating love, but lust. Sometimes even nothing, out of fear of rejection or commitment.

He says there was a big study he read, where they asked colleague students whether they preferred a hook up or traditional romantic relationship. The majority responded with the latter, but they were twice as likely to hookup. As if there’s a desire to something but didn’t know how to pursue, he says.

I posed an interesting question about whether being on the contraceptive pill has anything to do with the dating crisis that is happening in society?

He believes it is the root cause of bad dating. But how can that be?

He says planned parenthood, the biggest abortion provider in America, had a study they published explaining the hookup culture, through the lens of evolutionary biology.

“They said in any particular species, the male and female have a different productive rate, and they define that by how long it takes for them to complete a reproductive venture. For a man it can be five minutes, that is as much you need to invest in order to procure off spring. For a female, it’s not five minutes. It is life time. Not just the nine months of gestation, lactation, child rearing [but more like a lifetime], that is a gigantic investment.”

As a result, evolution biologists say that the sex with the longest reproductive rate is a riskier reproductive choice. If a female is bonding to a man who is not going to be a faithful person, she can make a poor decision

“But what would happen if you took an entire sex, and gave women a male reproductive rate of five minutes and all of the sudden, the women wouldn’t need to be as choosy when it comes to choosing a spouse. They can be less selective, because ‘hey well there’s no risk of pregnancy so what’s wrong with little hookups and having friends with benefits’”, he said.

He says Nobody is being choosey when it comes to potential mate and sex becomes the getaway to recreation not procreation, and globally there’s a decline in sexual morality.

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